A shot in the dark
Though I know that it’s wrong
A shot in the dark
Will come before long
A shot in the dark
Though I know it’s insane
A shot in the dark
Has tarnished my name
A shot in the dark
Will I ever relent?
A shot in the dark
It’s time to repent
A shot in the dark
Not the last word I spoke
A shot in the dark
Once more I’m a joke.
Sitting there one night
I decided to eat everything in sight
I hated myself long before this
So I decided to fill myself literally with shit
It felt good to fuck myself up
And so it became a habit that stuck
A slow painful death was what I deserved
According to the self-talk that I constantly heard
I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
And that this would be a blessing in fact
No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
I had nothing left to give
So consume I did, to excess, over and over
I became adept at being a self-loather
Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
As that hurt was too painful from which to recover
You laughed
I wanted to hold this image in my mind forever
Will it be repressed when you’re gone?
When I am untethered?
To be untethered in this world is a terrifying thought
Losing one parent meant losing my mind, this happened before, do you remember?
To lose you as well, my sanity might well dwindle
Turn from small fire to barely smouldering embers
So when my mind’s gone to join you in the aether
What will become of me?
I’ll die when you die, and perhaps heavily sigh
For a part of me will be lost at sea
Hey
How’s it going?
Sorry to be annoying
Just trying to fill a void
It runs deep within me
Don’t be annoyed
If you felt this way
I’d help you too
But you don’t, it’s me
I’m a big piece of poo
I eat to stop my feelings
I eat to make them soar
I eat too much and drink too much
And end up on the floor
I used to be so different
I used to have control
I’m working on this, but substances
Have truly taken their toll
So see me in the future
What does the future hold?
I can beat it if I can feel it
Or so that’s what I’m told
He put a hole in my heart
I put a hole in my hand
Life put a hole in my head
For which I never planned
It struck me down in my youth
Can fix a hole in a wall
Or a hole in a tooth
But sanity falls like a neck through a noose
So catch it you say
It can’t be that hard
Just put out your hands
Try to catch the shards
I’ve tried that and tried
It’s harder than it seems
It appears that you lied
My mind’s ripped at the seams
Stepping from the bright to dark
From glaring sun to rain
I felt a brain and body spark
Alleviate the pain
Dreaming of mind sinking
In another realm
It shocked me into thinking
And led to overwhelm
It spoke my name softly
But persistently too
I listened hard, I listened fast
And so it grew and grew
But somewhere between sleep and wake
My senses came to
I let go of that stabbing ache
And sanity shone through.
