Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Sucks you in, crushes you down
Don’t make a noise, don’t make a sound
Empty black hole
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t breathe, can’t scream
Can’t live, can’t dream
Empty black hole
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t think, all is bleak
I must die, I’m a freak
Empty black hole
I can’t believe you did this to me
I can’t believe I let you
10 years gone by, I hope I die
Maybe then I’ll relent and forget you.
Sleep eludes me
When will it come?
I feel relief, I feel ashamed
As I know what I’ve done.
Mind;
If you are me and I am you
Shouldn’t we work together, us two?
In a prison cell devoid of autonomy
Is how you make me feel, can’t you see?
You made me crazy, you made me numb
I couldn’t speak, you made me dumb
You nearly killed me, hurt me through and through
And you made me damage my family too
Can we ever learn to be friends?
Before we come to our end?
Consequences must be considered
Lest we die and wither.
Emptiness
Hollow chest
Only excess
To fill the nothingness
There’s a darkness within me
Even when I’m okay, I feel it bubbling away
In the depths of me
When will it resurface?
It’s there, though I may seem not to care
I’m scared of those feelings, they’re curses
Like ever-expanding black hallways in the Navidson house,
A gutteral growl, a foreboding sound
Echoes from the chambers of my soul
I could get lost in there
No way back, tether snapped
I fear it will be my inevitable demise
There is no-one in the world I would like to be near right now, except for you
I’m not sure how you feel about this, a meeting of just us two
I want to say more, but I’ll keep this clean
It’s all about the dopamine
I’d like a hit in many senses of the word
Would you do this for me, would my request be heard?
I know what you could bring to the table
The thought of it makes me unstable
Back to the beginning, back to the primitive
No thoughts, just sensations to play with
And dopamine, one hit, then another
I’d definitely need some time to recover
Then back to the real world
My head in a swirl
Reality must always be found again
But we could play for a moment at least, my dopamine friend
Beauty from within
Enhanced by that which is little bigger than a pin
My pupils dilated when I saw you
So I could take every inch of your soul in
What a beautiful vessel for such beautiful essence
You were ethereal, so much so that I could not make sense
Of it – why should someone so luminous and kind feel so hollow?
The question swallowed me whole, it was intense
Shit.
A shot in the dark
Though I know that it’s wrong
A shot in the dark
Will come before long
A shot in the dark
Though I know it’s insane
A shot in the dark
Has tarnished my name
A shot in the dark
Will I ever relent?
A shot in the dark
It’s time to repent
A shot in the dark
Not the last word I spoke
A shot in the dark
Once more I’m a joke.
Sitting there one night
I decided to eat everything in sight
I hated myself long before this
So I decided to fill myself literally with shit
It felt good to fuck myself up
And so it became a habit that stuck
A slow painful death was what I deserved
According to the self-talk that I constantly heard
I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
And that this would be a blessing in fact
No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
I had nothing left to give
So consume I did, to excess, over and over
I became adept at being a self-loather
Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
As that hurt was too painful from which to recover
