Visions tortured me through the night
Racing thoughts relentless
Images violent
Angry tyrant
Eating my own flesh
Mixed state madness
Slice a piece off and put it in the frying pan
It’s sizzling hot
Sane? I’m not
Couldn’t get out of my head
On and on it went
Body gave in, in the end
Two hours of peace
I emerged
Quite perturbed
Checked out, inwardly dead
If I hung from the rail
Perhaps it would squeeze the mess from my mind
Let the poison out
Stab of a knife
No more strife
Just flesh and blood
You’re so apathetic
Towards me
I feel pathetic
Eventually you’ll message
And be so apologetic
Please don’t apologise I’ll say
Just refrain
And I’ll smile
And you’ll nod
And I won’t tell you
That I’ve been going slowly insane
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Sucks you in, crushes you down
Don’t make a noise, don’t make a sound
Empty black hole
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t breathe, can’t scream
Can’t live, can’t dream
Empty black hole
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t think, all is bleak
I must die, I’m a freak
Empty black hole
I can’t believe you did this to me
I can’t believe I let you
10 years gone by, I hope I die
Maybe then I’ll relent and forget you.
Sleep eludes me
When will it come?
I feel relief, I feel ashamed
As I know what I’ve done.
Mind;
If you are me and I am you
Shouldn’t we work together, us two?
In a prison cell devoid of autonomy
Is how you make me feel, can’t you see?
You made me crazy, you made me numb
I couldn’t speak, you made me dumb
You nearly killed me, hurt me through and through
And you made me damage my family too
Can we ever learn to be friends?
Before we come to our end?
Consequences must be considered
Lest we die and wither.
Emptiness
Hollow chest
Only excess
To fill the nothingness
There’s a darkness within me
Even when I’m okay, I feel it bubbling away
In the depths of me
When will it resurface?
It’s there, though I may seem not to care
I’m scared of those feelings, they’re curses
Like ever-expanding black hallways in the Navidson house,
A gutteral growl, a foreboding sound
Echoes from the chambers of my soul
I could get lost in there
No way back, tether snapped
I fear it will be my inevitable demise
There is no-one in the world I would like to be near right now, except for you
I’m not sure how you feel about this, a meeting of just us two
I want to say more, but I’ll keep this clean
It’s all about the dopamine
I’d like a hit in many senses of the word
Would you do this for me, would my request be heard?
I know what you could bring to the table
The thought of it makes me unstable
Back to the beginning, back to the primitive
No thoughts, just sensations to play with
And dopamine, one hit, then another
I’d definitely need some time to recover
Then back to the real world
My head in a swirl
Reality must always be found again
But we could play for a moment at least, my dopamine friend
Beauty from within
Enhanced by that which is little bigger than a pin
My pupils dilated when I saw you
So I could take every inch of your soul in
What a beautiful vessel for such beautiful essence
You were ethereal, so much so that I could not make sense
Of it – why should someone so luminous and kind feel so hollow?
The question swallowed me whole, it was intense
Shit.
