So fragile and thin
It’s buried within
I’ll try to explain it
But where to begin
I first lost my mind
When I was only a child
It scared me, prepared me
For a life of denial
Denial of what?
Stomach tied up in knots
As I live full of fear
Of eventual brain rot
See I was never quite there
And maybe life is unfair
Still I’ll try, though I cry
At my mind I still tear
Where have you gone?
Your light shone
So bright
Is it no longer on?
I know you’ve been feeling strange of late
In the pit of your stomach, an ache
Crawling under you skin at night
Do you really just want a break?
From us, just tell me
I’ll understand
Just help me
To know what you’ve planned
As the last time we spoke
You said you’d be fine
“Unless I die”
What’s going on in your mind?
Your stomach would ache
And I’d hold you near
You’d been using a lot
That was quite clear
Then you never came back
Just a void, full of black
Where you used to be
Just you and me
Where have you gone?
Are you okay?
Will I see you again?
I love you, my friend
Fear can turn to anger
I’ve seen this many times
I know you only long to be free
For your former life, you pine
I’m so sorry that I did this to you
I know it caused you pain
Emotionally and physically
And the trauma will remain
It hurt me too, to go against your will
The first time it shocked me, it haunts me still
“I promise you it’s for the best”, in time we might see
You are steadfast like a tree
So after the storm, does the experience feel the same?
When the calm has returned and you can smile again?
I hope you can see it through a different lens
As you begin to heal and mend
Capacity was lost when you struggled the most
I know it’s unfair, it was hell
But remember this, precious neighbour
You’ll have a story full of hope and better days, to tell
You are amazing.
I eat to stop my feelings
I eat to make them soar
I eat too much and drink too much
And end up on the floor
I used to be so different
I used to have control
I’m working on this, but substances
Have truly taken their toll
So see me in the future
What does the future hold?
I can beat it if I can feel it
Or so that’s what I’m told
One night by chance, a meeting in the dark
External beauty caught my eye, glimmering soul caught my heart
We walked by the overpass, jumped and then laughed
“Where do I live again?”
Hardly felt time pass
I started to get nervous and you soothed my anxious soul
Your kindness always shone so bright, whilst life took its toll
I love the way you held me, would give anything to hear your tone
So gentle in your subtle ways, the way you made me moan
I don’t know what we talked about then
Or in the days to come
Our bodies communicated for us some of the time
And fuck me, that was fun
The nurse asked if I was being abused
My neck so beautifully bruised
From the touch of your lips on my neck and my clit
Her concern had me highly amused
Souls entwined by similar minds
Dance through the depth of your knowing eyes
When I think of your suffering, I feel pain too
It starts small, but ascends to the sky
It stings and burns, it makes me yearn
For the softness of your skin, you’re truly my kin
Not everyone knows, the heaviness of the woes
That we weather my love
I carry your heart
I knew something was wrong as the silence grew long
And I thought of your dark despair
But you found me again and I found you, my friend
You brought new life, like first Autumn’s air
So when sometimes we speak, my solace peaks
Cos I know you’ve been going through hell
But if you’re able to write, then maybe some of your plight
Has dropped off, like coins down a well
I can never fully know you, you can never know me
Can never fully understand the inner turmoil of the other
But you helped me just by being you
If you could let me in I’d strive all hours of the day too
To help you to uncover
Your inner world is rich, I want to bathe in it
Have so much love for you, not only when we were lovers
When I hear you call, my heart stands proud and tall
You’ve really helped me to recover
So when all’s said and done, we had such fun
Then life pulled us in separate ways
But I feel you, I see you, you’re in my dreams
Love you always, til the end of our days
Fellow human, I love you so
Not in a weird way but you should know
Because it’s hard to connect in this life
I find comfort in knowing you know my darker side
And you value my struggles and strife
One day I’ll astral project all the way to Birkenhead
Our souls will embrace in the dead of night
I’ll hold yours, you’ll hold mine and if we fuck then that’s fine
But we don’t have to, it’s enough to hold you in my sight
He put a hole in my heart
I put a hole in my hand
Life put a hole in my head
For which I never planned
It struck me down in my youth
Can fix a hole in a wall
Or a hole in a tooth
But sanity falls like a neck through a noose
So catch it you say
It can’t be that hard
Just put out your hands
Try to catch the shards
I’ve tried that and tried
It’s harder than it seems
It appears that you lied
My mind’s ripped at the seams
Psychotic brain
In my dreams again
Took the pills, near-death thrills
What does this mean again?
Neurotic brain
When awake always the same
Anxious mind, peace to find
What’s this fucked up game?
Stepping from the bright to dark
From glaring sun to rain
I felt a brain and body spark
Alleviate the pain
Dreaming of mind sinking
In another realm
It shocked me into thinking
And led to overwhelm
It spoke my name softly
But persistently too
I listened hard, I listened fast
And so it grew and grew
But somewhere between sleep and wake
My senses came to
I let go of that stabbing ache
And sanity shone through.
