Souls entwined by similar minds

“Trees Forest” by Sebastian Unrau/ CC0 1.0

Tag: Mental Illness

  • EMDR

    An empty space filled with pillars
    Dark and tall, ashen grey
    I’ve been there once before, I’ve visited this place
    I was horrified by what I saw, barren land of shame, guilt and disgrace

    There lived a girl there, small and cowering
    Covering her face and head with hands, stone pillars towering
    She hid behind one, and shook with fear
    As the malevolent character grew ever near

    Who is the malevolent one, smiling sinisterly?
    Searching for the small girl, and carrying a machete
    It turns out they are me, both different parts
    Part of my mind wants to kill the other, and to stab me in the heart.

    I discovered them some time ago, are they still there?
    I think they are, but I’m not consciously aware
    If I delve back into the depths of my mind
    I’m sure they’ll be there, quite easy to find

    Who is lurking in the corners of your mind?

  • Always

    I feel like my throat is cut
    As fresh as 9 years ago
    Why is this?
    What’s wrong with me?

    Attachment issues
    Feeling close to those so far away
    And alienated from those who reside close
    It’s fucked up to say the least

    We may have grown apart
    Over the years
    But I really love you, you know
    As odd as this may seem

    How could I not?
    I try incessantly to connect
    It’s really not fair on either
    So I’ll say goodbye

    But I am always here if you need me.

    Always.

  • Darkness Within

    There’s a darkness within me
    Even when I’m okay, I feel it bubbling away
    In the depths of me

    When will it resurface?
    It’s there, though I may seem not to care
    I’m scared of those feelings, they’re curses

    Like ever-expanding black hallways in the Navidson house,
    A gutteral growl, a foreboding sound
    Echoes from the chambers of my soul

    I could get lost in there
    No way back, tether snapped
    I fear it will be my inevitable demise

  • Over-familiarity

    Over-familiarity;
    A term I used clinically
    But lately I am developing some clarity
    That it relates to… me

    And how I relate to others

    I am driven somehow
    To reach out
    and out
    and out
    To people who I don’t deeply know now

    Why is this?

    We knew each other in the past
    And I wished that our knowing would last
    Extend to the present
    And the future
    Perhaps eternity
    So I continue this farce

    But at what cost?

    I keep you tethered
    Though our relationship is weathered
    As is my dignity
    And your patience
    And the illusion of a friendship
    That would naturally be severed

    If I let it die a natural death.

  • Why?

    Beauty from within
    Enhanced by that which is little bigger than a pin
    My pupils dilated when I saw you
    So I could take every inch of your soul in

    What a beautiful vessel for such beautiful essence
    You were ethereal, so much so that I could not make sense
    Of it – why should someone so luminous and kind feel so hollow?
    The question swallowed me whole, it was intense

    Shit.

  • Safe Space

    There is a place that only I know
    In the depths of my mind, aglow
    I can go there when frightened
    And emerge, enlightened
    From the peace that I find when I go

    So what is it like, this haven, you ask
    It’s a forest of trees under whose shade I bask
    With a stream running through it
    And and a row of shiny toilets upon which you can sit
    If the need arises

    It is sunny but shaded
    Somewhat mystically aged
    Flowers hugging the trees
    No-one else around, just me
    There is a wisdom beyond which you can imagine

    I have a pillow and a blanket
    But lie upon the grass, anchored
    The grass is cool to the touch
    The blanket just warm enough
    The stream babbles and birds sing in the sky

    So when frantic I feel
    I abandon the real
    And retreat inward
    Hearing the word
    “Beautiful” repeat.

    Beautiful.

  • Everyone Leaves (Torn Apart)

    When, if ever, will you return?
    Without you my soul burns
    I don’t like the heat

    Everyone leaves eventually
    Some sooner than others
    To strive for eternal love equals defeat

    I have unhealthy attachments
    Some too intense, others lacking
    Is there a middle in which to meet?

    Who am I referring to?
    Myself? Another? An ex? My father?
    Isolation so profound, I can’t speak

  • Self-loathing

    Sitting there one night
    I decided to eat everything in sight
    I hated myself long before this
    So I decided to fill myself literally with shit

    It felt good to fuck myself up
    And so it became a habit that stuck
    A slow painful death was what I deserved
    According to the self-talk that I constantly heard

    I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
    And that this would be a blessing in fact
    No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
    I had nothing left to give

    So consume I did, to excess, over and over
    I became adept at being a self-loather
    Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
    As that hurt was too painful from which to recover

  • All Logic Is Damned

    Green light spinning round and round
    Rain sounds playing, what a sound, what a sound
    In my head the knife is calling
    Will I make it to the morning?
    We’ll have to see, as you see all logic is damned.

  • Unforgiving

    If moods are like the weather
    And my favourite weather is rain
    I hope it rains forever
    To keep away the pain

    The pain of living life
    Beats me down, hottest sun
    It’s truly unforgiving
    Please hand me a gun

Verified by MonsterInsights