Peristalsis;
Smooth muscle contracting downward
But wait a minute –
You know I fixate, regurgitate
I’m a baby bird
Oh, but it’s the mother who feeds their young this way
Hmm
I will produce no-one to provide for
My DNA will remain with me
Closed within this cage of flesh and consciousness
I can feel music
Predict rhythm
Visceral movement
Widen the schism
Poetic convulsions
Ripple through space and time
In this simple kitchen
Where I reside
And my time I bide
There is indeed history in the rooms of this house
Tag: Mental Illness
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Obsolete
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Dissociation After The Storm
Visions tortured me through the night
Racing thoughts relentless
Images violent
Angry tyrant
Eating my own fleshMixed state madness
Slice a piece off and put it in the frying pan
It’s sizzling hot
Sane? I’m not
Couldn’t get out of my headOn and on it went
Body gave in, in the end
Two hours of peace
I emerged
Quite perturbed
Checked out, inwardly deadIf I hung from the rail
Perhaps it would squeeze the mess from my mind
Let the poison out
Stab of a knife
No more strife
Just flesh and blood -
All That You Are
You’re insightful
You look at me and see me for all that I amYou are delightful
It’s rare to find a person like youI wish that I could kiss away your scars
Make them fade away and take back your painI want to bathe with you under the light of a thousand stars
And hope that someday you might feel the sameI love you, and all that you are.
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Limerence
You’re so apathetic
Towards me
I feel pathetic
Eventually you’ll message
And be so apologeticPlease don’t apologise I’ll say
Just refrain
And I’ll smile
And you’ll nod
And I won’t tell you
That I’ve been going slowly insane -
Astrophysicist Implosion Blues
Empty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Sucks you in, crushes you down
Don’t make a noise, don’t make a sound
Empty black holeEmpty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t breathe, can’t scream
Can’t live, can’t dream
Empty black holeEmpty black hole
Gaping hole for a soul
Can’t think, all is bleak
I must die, I’m a freak
Empty black hole -
Screaming
Am I dreaming?
No.
What’s that screaming?
Oh.
It’s in my head -
I Let You
I can’t believe you did this to me
I can’t believe I let you
10 years gone by, I hope I die
Maybe then I’ll relent and forget you. -
Misplaced
I miss you
Maybe this is misplaced
Perhaps it is not you that I miss
But himWho is he, you ask
My father of course
Who else could it be
But himThe gaping black hole that swallowed me whole 21 years ago
The sheer density of which sucked me in and spat me out as a mere shadow of my former self
I used to smile as a child and really mean it
I used to feel safeI feel worried that writing these words will send me into a spiral
That I will lose my mind all over again
Magical thinking
Is a terrible thingI reassure myself that the tingling in my fingers will go away if I don’t tend to it
That it is only anxiety
I wiggle my fingers to show myself
That my mind has not once more trapped myself within it and held me hostageThe split second before they move
I hold my breath
Waiting to see
If madness has once more taken holdSo you see
I probably miss him and not you
But I can never know
As my body and mind will not let me go thereThey protect me fiercely, crippling me at the same time
This is the only way they know how
Maybe one day I will learn to be safely connected
With this dark void within me, from which my guardians have for all these years protectedMy chest hurts.
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Sleepless
Sleep eludes me
When will it come?
I feel relief, I feel ashamed
As I know what I’ve done. -
Mind
Mind;
If you are me and I am you
Shouldn’t we work together, us two?
In a prison cell devoid of autonomy
Is how you make me feel, can’t you see?You made me crazy, you made me numb
I couldn’t speak, you made me dumb
You nearly killed me, hurt me through and through
And you made me damage my family tooCan we ever learn to be friends?
Before we come to our end?
Consequences must be considered
Lest we die and wither.
