A shot in the dark
Though I know that it’s wrong
A shot in the dark
Will come before long
A shot in the dark
Though I know it’s insane
A shot in the dark
Has tarnished my name
A shot in the dark
Will I ever relent?
A shot in the dark
It’s time to repent
A shot in the dark
Not the last word I spoke
A shot in the dark
Once more I’m a joke.
Sitting there one night
I decided to eat everything in sight
I hated myself long before this
So I decided to fill myself literally with shit
It felt good to fuck myself up
And so it became a habit that stuck
A slow painful death was what I deserved
According to the self-talk that I constantly heard
I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
And that this would be a blessing in fact
No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
I had nothing left to give
So consume I did, to excess, over and over
I became adept at being a self-loather
Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
As that hurt was too painful from which to recover
Green light spinning round and round
Rain sounds playing, what a sound, what a sound
In my head the knife is calling
Will I make it to the morning?
We’ll have to see, as you see all logic is damned.
Hey
How’s it going?
Sorry to be annoying
Just trying to fill a void
It runs deep within me
Don’t be annoyed
If you felt this way
I’d help you too
But you don’t, it’s me
I’m a big piece of poo
If moods are like the weather
And my favourite weather is rain
I hope it rains forever
To keep away the pain
The pain of living life
Beats me down, hottest sun
It’s truly unforgiving
Please hand me a gun
So fragile and thin
It’s buried within
I’ll try to explain it
But where to begin
I first lost my mind
When I was only a child
It scared me, prepared me
For a life of denial
Denial of what?
Stomach tied up in knots
As I live full of fear
Of eventual brain rot
See I was never quite there
And maybe life is unfair
Still I’ll try, though I cry
At my mind I still tear
Fear can turn to anger
I’ve seen this many times
I know you only long to be free
For your former life, you pine
I’m so sorry that I did this to you
I know it caused you pain
Emotionally and physically
And the trauma will remain
It hurt me too, to go against your will
The first time it shocked me, it haunts me still
“I promise you it’s for the best”, in time we might see
You are steadfast like a tree
So after the storm, does the experience feel the same?
When the calm has returned and you can smile again?
I hope you can see it through a different lens
As you begin to heal and mend
Capacity was lost when you struggled the most
I know it’s unfair, it was hell
But remember this, precious neighbour
You’ll have a story full of hope and better days, to tell
You are amazing.
I eat to stop my feelings
I eat to make them soar
I eat too much and drink too much
And end up on the floor
I used to be so different
I used to have control
I’m working on this, but substances
Have truly taken their toll
So see me in the future
What does the future hold?
I can beat it if I can feel it
Or so that’s what I’m told
He put a hole in my heart
I put a hole in my hand
Life put a hole in my head
For which I never planned
It struck me down in my youth
Can fix a hole in a wall
Or a hole in a tooth
But sanity falls like a neck through a noose
So catch it you say
It can’t be that hard
Just put out your hands
Try to catch the shards
I’ve tried that and tried
It’s harder than it seems
It appears that you lied
My mind’s ripped at the seams
Psychotic brain
In my dreams again
Took the pills, near-death thrills
What does this mean again?
Neurotic brain
When awake always the same
Anxious mind, peace to find
What’s this fucked up game?
