Am I dreaming?
No.
What’s that screaming?
Oh.
It’s in my head
Category: Mental Illness
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Screaming
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Sleepless
Sleep eludes me
When will it come?
I feel relief, I feel ashamed
As I know what I’ve done. -
Mind
Mind;
If you are me and I am you
Shouldn’t we work together, us two?
In a prison cell devoid of autonomy
Is how you make me feel, can’t you see?You made me crazy, you made me numb
I couldn’t speak, you made me dumb
You nearly killed me, hurt me through and through
And you made me damage my family tooCan we ever learn to be friends?
Before we come to our end?
Consequences must be considered
Lest we die and wither. -
EMDR
An empty space filled with pillars
Dark and tall, ashen grey
I’ve been there once before, I’ve visited this place
I was horrified by what I saw, barren land of shame, guilt and disgraceThere lived a girl there, small and cowering
Covering her face and head with hands, stone pillars towering
She hid behind one, and shook with fear
As the malevolent character grew ever nearWho is the malevolent one, smiling sinisterly?
Searching for the small girl, and carrying a machete
It turns out they are me, both different parts
Part of my mind wants to kill the other, and to stab me in the heart.I discovered them some time ago, are they still there?
I think they are, but I’m not consciously aware
If I delve back into the depths of my mind
I’m sure they’ll be there, quite easy to findWho is lurking in the corners of your mind?
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Nothingness
Emptiness
Hollow chest
Only excess
To fill the nothingness -
Darkness Within
There’s a darkness within me
Even when I’m okay, I feel it bubbling away
In the depths of meWhen will it resurface?
It’s there, though I may seem not to care
I’m scared of those feelings, they’re cursesLike ever-expanding black hallways in the Navidson house,
A gutteral growl, a foreboding sound
Echoes from the chambers of my soulI could get lost in there
No way back, tether snapped
I fear it will be my inevitable demise -
Over-familiarity
Over-familiarity;
A term I used clinically
But lately I am developing some clarity
That it relates to… meAnd how I relate to others
I am driven somehow
To reach out
and out
and out
To people who I don’t deeply know nowWhy is this?
We knew each other in the past
And I wished that our knowing would last
Extend to the present
And the future
Perhaps eternity
So I continue this farceBut at what cost?
I keep you tethered
Though our relationship is weathered
As is my dignity
And your patience
And the illusion of a friendship
That would naturally be severedIf I let it die a natural death.
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A Shot in the Dark
A shot in the dark
Though I know that it’s wrong
A shot in the dark
Will come before longA shot in the dark
Though I know it’s insane
A shot in the dark
Has tarnished my nameA shot in the dark
Will I ever relent?
A shot in the dark
It’s time to repentA shot in the dark
Not the last word I spoke
A shot in the dark
Once more I’m a joke. -
Self-loathing
Sitting there one night
I decided to eat everything in sight
I hated myself long before this
So I decided to fill myself literally with shitIt felt good to fuck myself up
And so it became a habit that stuck
A slow painful death was what I deserved
According to the self-talk that I constantly heardI wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
And that this would be a blessing in fact
No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
I had nothing left to giveSo consume I did, to excess, over and over
I became adept at being a self-loather
Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
As that hurt was too painful from which to recover -
All Logic Is Damned
Green light spinning round and round
Rain sounds playing, what a sound, what a sound
In my head the knife is calling
Will I make it to the morning?
We’ll have to see, as you see all logic is damned.
