I miss you
Is it strange that I miss you, you who knew me only briefly several years ago?
Perhaps it is, but it’s true and my feelings are the only things I know to be real in this life
Everyone disappears, everything changes, the only constant is that
I miss you
Lonely willow, swaying in the wind
Through your branches the breeze does sing
Is this truly all I can bring
To a world so broken with such suffering?
I saw them locked up, with no place to go
Through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows
Some detached completely from the world in which they live
Some say they are mad, but they have so much to give
Just a little help needed to come back from hell
I thought I could help them, try and break the spell
But by doing so grew weaker, ever nearing the abyss
Really irony, what the fuck is this?
So now I sell petrol and chocolate bars too
Not very fulfilling, but I guess it’ll do
If it means I can thrive and not end up there too
I’ll hold my head high and ask “how are you?”
I dreamt that you tamed sharks – why couldn’t you tame the shark within?
So beautiful in your enclosure
Until the moments of your exposure
Self defence made you so tense, from what?
When the truth surfaced you attacked it with force
Malignant in your ways, vitriol lasted for days
Every compliment I uttered was like a harpoon to your heart
You didn’t believe in us, from the start
Love gave way to suspicion and dismay
Relating to one another began to fray
So when I think of your glistening teeth
So sharp in your dangerous jaws
I think thank fuck and feel relief
That I am no longer yours
When, if ever, will you return?
Without you my soul burns
I don’t like the heat
Everyone leaves eventually
Some sooner than others
To strive for eternal love equals defeat
I have unhealthy attachments
Some too intense, others lacking
Is there a middle in which to meet?
Who am I referring to?
Myself? Another? An ex? My father?
Isolation so profound, I can’t speak
You laughed
I wanted to hold this image in my mind forever
Will it be repressed when you’re gone?
When I am untethered?
To be untethered in this world is a terrifying thought
Losing one parent meant losing my mind, this happened before, do you remember?
To lose you as well, my sanity might well dwindle
Turn from small fire to barely smouldering embers
So when my mind’s gone to join you in the aether
What will become of me?
I’ll die when you die, and perhaps heavily sigh
For a part of me will be lost at sea
What will become of me
When you are gone?
Will it be different to the last time?
How long do we have left?
Are our days numbered?
I wonder about this all the time
No-one can say
You tell me “live for each day”
Your wisdom divine
So when you do go
I’ll try not to follow
My memory of you enshrined
How do two people who connect so well
Become so estranged and break the spell
Back and forth, to and fro
“I love you, wait, I don’t know”
Body fuck then mind fuck, that’s how it would go
They needed each other in a time that was bleak
But now he says nothing, refuses to speak
Though she tries and tries, to no avail
I guess she’ll retreat back into her shell
Lucky him.
Where have you gone?
Your light shone
So bright
Is it no longer on?
I know you’ve been feeling strange of late
In the pit of your stomach, an ache
Crawling under you skin at night
Do you really just want a break?
From us, just tell me
I’ll understand
Just help me
To know what you’ve planned
As the last time we spoke
You said you’d be fine
“Unless I die”
What’s going on in your mind?
Your stomach would ache
And I’d hold you near
You’d been using a lot
That was quite clear
Then you never came back
Just a void, full of black
Where you used to be
Just you and me
Where have you gone?
Are you okay?
Will I see you again?
I love you, my friend
Mind ensnared by you all this time
Heart I shared with you, you crushed, though it’s mine
Fuck off over there in the corner you swine
Everything you said to me a lie, still I shine
I shine because I’m rid of you
I shine because you’re gone
I shine because I’ve stamped you out
Though it made me feel so wrong
I shine because we never speak
I shine because that’s it!
I shine because we’ll never meet
Stay gone, you piece of shit
