Souls entwined by similar minds

“Trees Forest” by Sebastian Unrau/ CC0 1.0

Category: Loss

  • I Want You to Stay

    What if you die
    And I don’t know
    Would I know by the stars in the sky
    Or would I just start to feel low

    What if I don’t see you again
    Before that moment hits
    This thought plagues me, my friend
    Your soul, I already miss

    I love you
    I really love you
    Will my love live on
    When I’m gone?

    Wasn’t this intense
    When we used to date
    Now we’re just friends
    Or acquaintances sealed by fate

    What is this madness?
    I hear you ask
    And I’m filled with sadness
    In which I bask

    What will become of our friendship?
    Will it be left in ruins?
    Still I open my heart and shit
    Just to try and get through it

    Too honest for my own good
    But what about yours?
    Keep quiet, i know that I should
    Keep those feelings behind closed doors

    My heart quickens
    At the thought of losing you
    My blood thickens
    What can I do?

    I really hope we can be friends
    Can’t you see?
    Before the bitter end
    Of you or me

    Jesus Christ, Tripoli
    Boo, Limousine
    Usually so beautiful
    But in that context so obscene

    I need to shut the fuck up
    So as not to alienate you
    But this is something
    I find really hard to do

    The floodgates are open
    Please don’t get washed away
    I love you so much
    I want you to stay

  • Fallen Leaves

    The fallen leaves and tears
    That have come at this time of year
    Have been beautiful, though some painful
    They speak of change, I hold them near

    I told you that I’d go away
    Not tomorrow or next week, but today
    Not forever, only for a while and in physical form
    But it seems now that it is you who couldn’t stay

    I hung on every word you said
    Sent you something on which to rest your head
    When you can’t sleep (often) and all seems bleak
    I worry when I don’t hear from you that you’re dead

    You want to make sure I can survive
    Without you, and that in fact I thrive
    Sadness hangs in a haze during this settling phase
    And yet I continue to be alive

    When will I see you again?
    Can I still call you my friend?
    I care about you, I love you still
    And I know that this will never end.

  • Astrophysicist Implosion Blues

    Empty black hole
    Gaping hole for a soul
    Sucks you in, crushes you down
    Don’t make a noise, don’t make a sound
    Empty black hole

    Empty black hole
    Gaping hole for a soul
    Can’t breathe, can’t scream
    Can’t live, can’t dream
    Empty black hole

    Empty black hole
    Gaping hole for a soul
    Can’t think, all is bleak
    I must die, I’m a freak
    Empty black hole

  • I Let You

    I can’t believe you did this to me
    I can’t believe I let you
    10 years gone by, I hope I die
    Maybe then I’ll relent and forget you.

  • Misplaced

    I miss you
    Maybe this is misplaced
    Perhaps it is not you that I miss
    But him

    Who is he, you ask
    My father of course
    Who else could it be
    But him

    The gaping black hole that swallowed me whole 21 years ago
    The sheer density of which sucked me in and spat me out as a mere shadow of my former self
    I used to smile as a child and really mean it
    I used to feel safe

    I feel worried that writing these words will send me into a spiral
    That I will lose my mind all over again
    Magical thinking
    Is a terrible thing

    I reassure myself that the tingling in my fingers will go away if I don’t tend to it
    That it is only anxiety
    I wiggle my fingers to show myself
    That my mind has not once more trapped myself within it and held me hostage

    The split second before they move
    I hold my breath
    Waiting to see
    If madness has once more taken hold

    So you see
    I probably miss him and not you
    But I can never know
    As my body and mind will not let me go there

    They protect me fiercely, crippling me at the same time
    This is the only way they know how
    Maybe one day I will learn to be safely connected
    With this dark void within me, from which my guardians have for all these years protected

    My chest hurts.

  • Down the White Road

    Let’s go down the white road you said
    And down we went together
    We walked and walked in the beautiful snow
    Until one day you left me alone

    It had never felt as cold as that day
    Everything turned hostile and grey
    I’m still there you know, shivering and alone
    And you live your life separately, to me unknown

  • Always

    I feel like my throat is cut
    As fresh as 9 years ago
    Why is this?
    What’s wrong with me?

    Attachment issues
    Feeling close to those so far away
    And alienated from those who reside close
    It’s fucked up to say the least

    We may have grown apart
    Over the years
    But I really love you, you know
    As odd as this may seem

    How could I not?
    I try incessantly to connect
    It’s really not fair on either
    So I’ll say goodbye

    But I am always here if you need me.

    Always.

  • I Miss You

    I miss you

    Is it strange that I miss you, you who knew me only briefly several years ago?

    Perhaps it is, but it’s true and my feelings are the only things I know to be real in this life

    Everyone disappears, everything changes, the only constant is that

    I miss you

  • Walking Away

    Lonely willow, swaying in the wind
    Through your branches the breeze does sing
    Is this truly all I can bring
    To a world so broken with such suffering?

    I saw them locked up, with no place to go
    Through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows
    Some detached completely from the world in which they live
    Some say they are mad, but they have so much to give

    Just a little help needed to come back from hell
    I thought I could help them, try and break the spell
    But by doing so grew weaker, ever nearing the abyss
    Really irony, what the fuck is this?

    So now I sell petrol and chocolate bars too
    Not very fulfilling, but I guess it’ll do
    If it means I can thrive and not end up there too
    I’ll hold my head high and ask “how are you?”

  • Shark

    I dreamt that you tamed sharks – why couldn’t you tame the shark within?

    So beautiful in your enclosure
    Until the moments of your exposure
    Self defence made you so tense, from what?
    When the truth surfaced you attacked it with force

    Malignant in your ways, vitriol lasted for days

    Every compliment I uttered was like a harpoon to your heart
    You didn’t believe in us, from the start
    Love gave way to suspicion and dismay
    Relating to one another began to fray

    So when I think of your glistening teeth
    So sharp in your dangerous jaws
    I think thank fuck and feel relief
    That I am no longer yours

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