A shot in the dark
Though I know that it’s wrong
A shot in the dark
Will come before long
A shot in the dark
Though I know it’s insane
A shot in the dark
Has tarnished my name
A shot in the dark
Will I ever relent?
A shot in the dark
It’s time to repent
A shot in the dark
Not the last word I spoke
A shot in the dark
Once more I’m a joke.
Throw a coin down the well
Make a wish but don’t tell
If you tell then it won’t come true
And if you don’t, it won’t too
I wished for you.
When, if ever, will you return?
Without you my soul burns
I don’t like the heat
Everyone leaves eventually
Some sooner than others
To strive for eternal love equals defeat
I have unhealthy attachments
Some too intense, others lacking
Is there a middle in which to meet?
Who am I referring to?
Myself? Another? An ex? My father?
Isolation so profound, I can’t speak
Sitting there one night
I decided to eat everything in sight
I hated myself long before this
So I decided to fill myself literally with shit
It felt good to fuck myself up
And so it became a habit that stuck
A slow painful death was what I deserved
According to the self-talk that I constantly heard
I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
And that this would be a blessing in fact
No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
I had nothing left to give
So consume I did, to excess, over and over
I became adept at being a self-loather
Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
As that hurt was too painful from which to recover
You laughed
I wanted to hold this image in my mind forever
Will it be repressed when you’re gone?
When I am untethered?
To be untethered in this world is a terrifying thought
Losing one parent meant losing my mind, this happened before, do you remember?
To lose you as well, my sanity might well dwindle
Turn from small fire to barely smouldering embers
So when my mind’s gone to join you in the aether
What will become of me?
I’ll die when you die, and perhaps heavily sigh
For a part of me will be lost at sea
What will become of me
When you are gone?
Will it be different to the last time?
How long do we have left?
Are our days numbered?
I wonder about this all the time
No-one can say
You tell me “live for each day”
Your wisdom divine
So when you do go
I’ll try not to follow
My memory of you enshrined
How do two people who connect so well
Become so estranged and break the spell
Back and forth, to and fro
“I love you, wait, I don’t know”
Body fuck then mind fuck, that’s how it would go
They needed each other in a time that was bleak
But now he says nothing, refuses to speak
Though she tries and tries, to no avail
I guess she’ll retreat back into her shell
Lucky him.
Green light spinning round and round
Rain sounds playing, what a sound, what a sound
In my head the knife is calling
Will I make it to the morning?
We’ll have to see, as you see all logic is damned.
Hey
How’s it going?
Sorry to be annoying
Just trying to fill a void
It runs deep within me
Don’t be annoyed
If you felt this way
I’d help you too
But you don’t, it’s me
I’m a big piece of poo
If moods are like the weather
And my favourite weather is rain
I hope it rains forever
To keep away the pain
The pain of living life
Beats me down, hottest sun
It’s truly unforgiving
Please hand me a gun
