Souls entwined by similar minds

“Trees Forest” by Sebastian Unrau/ CC0 1.0

Author: Claire

  • Over-familiarity

    Over-familiarity;
    A term I used clinically
    But lately I am developing some clarity
    That it relates to… me

    And how I relate to others

    I am driven somehow
    To reach out
    and out
    and out
    To people who I don’t deeply know now

    Why is this?

    We knew each other in the past
    And I wished that our knowing would last
    Extend to the present
    And the future
    Perhaps eternity
    So I continue this farce

    But at what cost?

    I keep you tethered
    Though our relationship is weathered
    As is my dignity
    And your patience
    And the illusion of a friendship
    That would naturally be severed

    If I let it die a natural death.

  • Why?

    Beauty from within
    Enhanced by that which is little bigger than a pin
    My pupils dilated when I saw you
    So I could take every inch of your soul in

    What a beautiful vessel for such beautiful essence
    You were ethereal, so much so that I could not make sense
    Of it – why should someone so luminous and kind feel so hollow?
    The question swallowed me whole, it was intense

    Shit.

  • Safe Space

    There is a place that only I know
    In the depths of my mind, aglow
    I can go there when frightened
    And emerge, enlightened
    From the peace that I find when I go

    So what is it like, this haven, you ask
    It’s a forest of trees under whose shade I bask
    With a stream running through it
    And and a row of shiny toilets upon which you can sit
    If the need arises

    It is sunny but shaded
    Somewhat mystically aged
    Flowers hugging the trees
    No-one else around, just me
    There is a wisdom beyond which you can imagine

    I have a pillow and a blanket
    But lie upon the grass, anchored
    The grass is cool to the touch
    The blanket just warm enough
    The stream babbles and birds sing in the sky

    So when frantic I feel
    I abandon the real
    And retreat inward
    Hearing the word
    “Beautiful” repeat.

    Beautiful.

  • Seismic Shift

    I’ve always viewed things in a certain way
    But that view has changed today
    Something has shifted, a veil somewhat lifted
    I’ve learned some hard truths along the way

    I kind of wish things weren’t so
    But I think it’s important for me to know
    What you have lived through, the shit that’s been put on you
    It’s amazing that you still glow

    So how do I reconcile these two worldviews?
    Put myself in your shoes
    But stand firmly in mine
    At the same time?

    I’ll try to accept the ebb and flow
    Of my view of the past and what I now know
    And be aware, but not curb my care
    As my love for you truly flows

    I’ll ride out this seismic shift of sorts,
    Try to gather my shaken thoughts
    Hold you all near me, and care for you dearly
    And hopefully things won’t be too fraught

  • Shark

    I dreamt that you tamed sharks – why couldn’t you tame the shark within?

    So beautiful in your enclosure
    Until the moments of your exposure
    Self defence made you so tense, from what?
    When the truth surfaced you attacked it with force

    Malignant in your ways, vitriol lasted for days

    Every compliment I uttered was like a harpoon to your heart
    You didn’t believe in us, from the start
    Love gave way to suspicion and dismay
    Relating to one another began to fray

    So when I think of your glistening teeth
    So sharp in your dangerous jaws
    I think thank fuck and feel relief
    That I am no longer yours

  • A Shot in the Dark

    A shot in the dark
    Though I know that it’s wrong
    A shot in the dark
    Will come before long

    A shot in the dark
    Though I know it’s insane
    A shot in the dark
    Has tarnished my name

    A shot in the dark
    Will I ever relent?
    A shot in the dark
    It’s time to repent

    A shot in the dark
    Not the last word I spoke
    A shot in the dark
    Once more I’m a joke.

  • Wish

    Throw a coin down the well
    Make a wish but don’t tell
    If you tell then it won’t come true
    And if you don’t, it won’t too

    I wished for you.

  • Everyone Leaves (Torn Apart)

    When, if ever, will you return?
    Without you my soul burns
    I don’t like the heat

    Everyone leaves eventually
    Some sooner than others
    To strive for eternal love equals defeat

    I have unhealthy attachments
    Some too intense, others lacking
    Is there a middle in which to meet?

    Who am I referring to?
    Myself? Another? An ex? My father?
    Isolation so profound, I can’t speak

  • Self-loathing

    Sitting there one night
    I decided to eat everything in sight
    I hated myself long before this
    So I decided to fill myself literally with shit

    It felt good to fuck myself up
    And so it became a habit that stuck
    A slow painful death was what I deserved
    According to the self-talk that I constantly heard

    I wondered if I might bring on a heart attack
    And that this would be a blessing in fact
    No desire to live, hope draining as if in a sieve
    I had nothing left to give

    So consume I did, to excess, over and over
    I became adept at being a self-loather
    Hurting myself was better than being hurt by another
    As that hurt was too painful from which to recover

  • Untethered

    You laughed
    I wanted to hold this image in my mind forever
    Will it be repressed when you’re gone?
    When I am untethered?

    To be untethered in this world is a terrifying thought
    Losing one parent meant losing my mind, this happened before, do you remember?
    To lose you as well, my sanity might well dwindle
    Turn from small fire to barely smouldering embers

    So when my mind’s gone to join you in the aether
    What will become of me?
    I’ll die when you die, and perhaps heavily sigh
    For a part of me will be lost at sea

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